The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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