i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
