Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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