So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
