I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
