There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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