I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could fuck to npr.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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