I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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