Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
