I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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