Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
