You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
