It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
