Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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