We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
