return my video game
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize