i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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