I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
