Define "chronic" masturbator.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
