did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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