i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
operation harelip BJ is a go
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
