I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
