And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
