It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
