Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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