You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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