I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
