she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
