Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
