Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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