we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize