I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
