Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
