Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do herpes really smell.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize