So drunk its hurt
Is it because I queefed?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize