Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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