I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
