I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
