it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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