I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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