I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
