The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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