Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is there bacon in the couch?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize