I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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