Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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