i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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