Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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