tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
