1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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