I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
