i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
