Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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