PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
