Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
