Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm really busy with my period
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