in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
