note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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