where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
