I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
