foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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