You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
