Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
