I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize