my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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