just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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