even my farts smell like vagina
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
