i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
