Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize