I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
