I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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