I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
