I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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