would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
