omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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