Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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