The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
