Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
