he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
