its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
