she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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