its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
