Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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