I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
