I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
